【The Exotic Time Machine (1998)】

At the top of any Gayest Songs of All Time list,The Exotic Time Machine (1998) you'll find Melissa's Etheridge's "Come to My Window." It's hard to find a song more purely, authentically '90s lesbian than one about two women staying up late so they can hang out in the light of the wolf moon.

That's why it was so strange for many of us in the Xennial queer community to discover that Applebee's had used "Come to My Window" in their most recent commercial and stripped the gay right out of it. In the Applebee's interpretation, "Come to My Window" is less about lesbian sex, more about ordering cheesy quesadillas and mozzarella sticks from their drive thru window.

The following ad has been rated R for: Really? Come on with this shit.

As Autostraddle beautifully documents, Etheridge's "Come to my Window" was the lead single on her first, groundbreaking album "Yes I Am [Totally Gay.]" It was one of my first introductions to the lesbian community -- and taught me very important lessons about being queer in the '90s, namely:

1. Never underestimate the value of a good white undershirt

2. Feminist acoustic guitar players will always be in vogue

3. Everyone loves a woman in cut-off denim on cut-off-denim

What "Come To My Window" did not give me, however, was an appreciation for reheated mozzarella sticks -- that deep love came separately, and just as vibrantly.

I'm all for cultural fusion. And I would certainly love for some microwaved spinach artichoke dip to come to my window. Melissa Etheridge and Applebee's still shouldn't intermix. The former is for feminist road trips, the latter, for screaming fights when you're home on vacation. Even if you believe in having an elastic interpretation of the Melissa Etheridge canon, you just can't take the lez part out to hock buffalo wings. Sheryl Crow, maybe. But not our dear Melissa.

Please Applebee's can't you see, my mind's a burnin' hell? I got razors a rippin' and tearin' and strippin' my heart apart as well.

Don't make me choose.

[h/t Autostraddle]

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